Snake's Haven
by Remo Con
Summary: Dumbledore sends Harry back to 1978 to find out who his real father is...or so he is told. But after he meets certain Slytherins he begins to wonder if that is true..and then something happens no one expected. So much slash, call it a slashfest. Go humor.
1. Chapter 1: Meet Rath

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Disclaimer: Hi, my name is Do-You-Really-Think-I-Own-Harry-Potter? What's that? You're No-Kidding-You're-So-Not-J.K.-Rowling? Simply fascinating…

"Harry," Dumbledore sat behind his desk. Harry almost smiled at the familiarity of the seen. Inwardly he grimaced at this statement. Familiar, yes, and yet it usually meant bad news. Damn, and he was missing the sorting to hear it too.

"I'm afraid I've got something to tell you," the headmaster continued.

"What? Is there another prophecy that says not only have I got to defeat the dark lord but I've got to stop global warming and pollution too?" Harry snapped before he could stop himself. "Or maybe you've come to tell me ahead of time who's going to die this year so I can steer clear of him or her cause it would have been nice to have been forewarned the last two years, headmaster." The dim twinkle in Dumbledore's eye seemed to grow dimmer at Harry's statement.

"Well," Dumbledore said heavily. "No one is going to die this year if I can help it. But you aren't going to be here this year, my boy."

"Why not?" Harry demanded, panicking. "You aren't going to send me back to the Dursely's, are you?"

"No, no, don't worry about it," the headmaster assured him. "And you'll still get your schooling."

"Then where am I going?" Harry asked, curious.

"Hogwarts," Dumbledore said. "It isn't a question of _where_ you're going, the question for you would be is _when_ you're going."

"Then when am I going?" Harry asked, wary of what the answer would be.

"1978," the headmaster replied, holding out a piece of parchment. "Here, take this and be sure to give it to me."

"Um," Harry started to say but the room began to spin. Harry gasped and closed his eyes. When the feeling passed Harry reopened his eyes but nothing had changed. Dumbledore was sitting exactly where had had been a moment ago.

"Here you go, sir," Harry said, holding out the paper. Dumbledore excepted it from him gravely, looking it over immediately.

"Well, it seems I don't have to ask you who you are then," Dumbledore said. "Mr. Potter, but I'm afraid you'll have to be sorted now and you'll need a new identity, at least a new last name."

"Why?" Harry asked blankly.

"Because," Dumbledore said patiently. "I'm not sure you understand this, but you've been sent back in time. The year is 1978 and James Potter and Lily Evans along with all their friends still go here. You can't very well go around spouting off to everyone that you're there son, especially since your not."

"I'm…not?" Harry said confusedly. "Then exactly whose son am I supposed to be?"

"That's what you're here to find out," Dumbledore said, pointing at the note. "It told me so. Apparently I have to give you this clue: Lily is your mother but your father is not James, he is, however, someone you already know."

"Is that it?" Harry said, disgruntled. "That's not much to go by you know."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do any better," Dumbledore looked apologetic. "Now, about your new identity, any ideas?"

"Rath Granger," Harry suggested. "I've lived in America my whole life, but my parents died last year in a…potions accident and I came here to live with my, er,"

"Godfather?" said a familiar voice. Harry looked behind himself and gasped.

"Sirius! B-but you're dead," Harry backed up into the desk. He whirled around to look at Dumbledore. "Is this some kind of trick! It's not funny!" A single tear slid down his cheek. Sirius walked over and hugged him.

"It's not a trick, Harry," Sirius comforted. "I'm real. The veil apparently sent me back to this year."

"The veil doesn't act without reason," Dumbledore said wisely. "I believe he was sent back to help you, Harry."

"I'm afraid," Sirius said. "That I don't remember too much from this year, sorry. I don't know how much help I can be."

"Perhaps there's something you weren't supposed to remember," Harry suggested.

"Makes sense," Dumbledore said. "Probably your visit, Harry. Anyway, Sirius had kindly decided to take the position of DADA teacher, under the alias Thatz Turner." A twinkle came into the headmaster's eye. "I do hope that this year will be most eventful. Now, I'll need to have you sorted now, Harry, excuse me, Rath." Dumbledore got up and took something from on top of the cabinet.

"The sorting has already taken place?" Harry said, amazed. Dumbledore nodded.

"School starts a day sooner here then in your time so the students have already had their first day of classes."

"Shit," Harry cursed. "I'm already behind."

"Not to worry," Dumbledore said with a wave of his hand. He handed Harry the sorting hat. "Now just put it on and we'll go from there."

_You're not supposed to be under here,_ the hat protested. _You haven't been born yet!_

Just sort me, please, Harry requested.

_All right, but I don't like it…SLYTHERIN!_ Sirius gaped at him. Harry sighed.

"I thought that might happen," he mumbled. Dumbledore nodded.

"I'll take you down to your dormitory now," the headmaster said, turning to head down the stairs.

"Sorry, Sirius," Harry said before going after Dumbledore.

"S'okay," Sirius said weakly. "I'll live…I think."

"The password is Dragon Knights, the sixth years picked it this year," Dumbledore said with a shrug. "Good-bye Rath."

"Sure," Harry said. "Thanks." The headmaster had already disappeared. Harry turned to the portrait of who he could only assume was Slytherin himself.

"Dragon Knights," he said, sounding a bit unsure. The portrait scowled at him.

"If your to be in my house you'd better not be so wimpy all the time," Harry stared at the painting as it swung open.

"Thanks," he said sarcastically. "I'll remember that." As he stepped in the first thing he realized was that it hadn't changed much from the time he had gone in during his 2nd year, save for one, well really three, things.

Those things would be the teens sitting by the fire, reading what looked like comic books. Backward comic books. One of them looked up.

"Oi!" he called. Harry jumped, it was a sixteen year old Severus Snape. Odd. "You must be the new boy, come over here would ya?" The other two looked up.

"What's your name?" One of the blondes, the taller one, asked. "I'm Lucius Malfoy, this here's-"

"Severus Snape, resident potions genius and boyfriend to former idiot, who just decided to speak, shocking the general populous that he does in fact have the ability to do so," Severus introduced himself.

"And I'm Lykouleon, twin to said idiot and only straight one so far in Slytherin. Call me Leon. How do you do?" Harry stared at the three.

"Stop it," Severus whacked Lykouleon. "You're probably going to give the poor thing a heart attack. He's exaggerating you know, he just upset 'cause he hangs out with the only two gay ones in Slytherin and now the girls refuse to date him."

"Not that there are a lot of girls anyway," Lucius said. "Now, what'd you say your name was?"

"I didn't," Harry said. "Now I'm not sure if it's safe too. Rath Granger, nice to meet you, I think. Are you always so, er, straightforward?"

"No, I'm more gay-forward," Severus said with an exaggerated wink. Harry stared. The other two burst out in laughter. Severus looked sheepish.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I don't mean to freak you out."

"Um, no, you didn't," Harry tried to protest. He faltered under the three's disbelieving looks. "Well, you did. But that's not the point." Severus grinned.

"I like you," he told Harry. "I think you're going to fit in nicely around here."

"You're the first transfer student in over a hundred years," Leon informed him. "So where did you go to school before here? What's America like? Is your godfather really Professor Turner? You are a sixth year right? What happened to your parents? They wouldn't tell us yesterday at dinner, you know." Lucius hit his brother on the head.

"Stop it," he scolded. "Let him answer before you bite his head off." Leon smiled and Harry noticed to rather pointy teeth in his mouth.

"I could too," Leon said. Harry gulped.

"Don't worry, he's a friendly vampire," Severus assured Harry.

"So there's a vampire in Slytherin and a werewolf in Gryffindor," Harry remarked without thinking. "Do guys call yourselves something, the Marauders are in Gryffindors, so…" he noticed them staring at them.

"Damn," he said.

"You're not a transfer student, are you," Severus said. Harry pointed to the comic books.

"And you three aren't into the whole pureblood mania, so what happens to you guys later. At least you two," Harry said point to Lucius and Severus. "I've never met you." He said to Leon.

"Damn," Lucius said exactly like Harry.

"Definitely," Leon agreed.

"Your from the frickin' future!" Severus said.

"You shouldn't tell us anything then," Leon said sensibly. "We shouldn't change the future, who knows what could happen."

"I might not be born, Voldemort would never be defeated, countless innocents who die, nothing bad," Harry said with a shrug.

"Wow," Severus said. "Now I really have to know your life's story."

"But I can't tell you," Harry said, suddenly worried. "In fact, I shouldn't even have told you that I was from the future. God, I am so going to be in trouble!"

"With who?" Lucius asked, a wicked gleam in his eye. "We're not going to tell anyone. Are we guys?"

"Nope," Severus and Leon chorused.

"You know," Harry said. "This is really strange, but I feel like I can trust you, even more so than my best friends back in my real time."

"You can trust us, Rath," Severus said seriously. Lucius and Leon nodded in agreement. "We may have just met, but you don't know how long your going to be here, do you?" Harry shook his head. "Good. Then we have all lots of time to get to know each other, don't we?"

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Yay! Another story by me that won't get finished probably until the next decade, unless I get a sudden flow of reviews saying I should update soon, since I can't ignore reviewers. Anyway, I hope you like it and tell me what you think, even if you think its complete crap. Please Review! And see my bio to check out the Twins Challenge, then see if you'll write one! Remo


	2. Chapter 2: Enter the Marauders

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Disclaimer: What do I not own?

Let me list the things,

Harry Potter,

Dragon Knights,

And lots of sad sorry others.

CHAPTER 1:

Remus rolled over in his bed, moaning in morning sleepiness. He grabbed his pillow and stuffed his head under it.

"Wake UP Moony m'dear!" said an overly cheerful Sirius Black, pulling the pillow away from him.

"G'way Pafoo," he said through the sleepiness clinging to him.

"Not a chance Moony," Sirius said now pulling the blankets off the bed. "We've got so much to do today."

"Pranks," Remus muttered.

"'Course," James Potter said, entering the conversation. "You didn't think we meant school work did you. Come on, you should know us better than that!"

"He's just worried about what Lily's gonna do to him," Peter Pettigrew said, sniggering.

"Ah," Sirius and James said together. "Of course."

"It's sad that such a beautiful girl is so mean," James said sadly. Peter and Sirius made noises of agreement.

"Oh well," Sirius said with an exaggerated sigh. "What are you going to do about it? One cannot change the nature of a person, merely avoid her till the I die."

"What about the wedding?" James asked. "If you avoid her forever you'll have to miss Moony's wedding."

"He proposed to her and didn't tell me?" Sirius said, feigning hurt.

"Shut up guys," Remus said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Fine, s'long as your awake," Sirius said. "Oh, and you will tell me once you finally propose to her, right?" Remus growled and tackled him.

"I'll take that as a yes," Sirius said, wriggling out of Remus's grip. "We'll meet you down in the great hall, hurry up!"

"Fine," Remus said as the other three sneaked quietly out of the room. He grabbed his watch of the dresser and looked at it closely.

"4:00!" he yelled. "I'm gonna kill them!" Surprisingly no one woke up.

The Marauders convened in the great hall approximately fifteen minutes later with much swearing and protest still coming from Moony, though he didn't kill any of the others (however much he was tempted too).

"So, what's the plan?" Wormtail asked enthusiastically.

"Slytherin dorms, 6th years," Prongs and Padfoot said together. "All of it's inhabitants will receive…makeovers, complements of the Marauders, Gryffindors finest." Wormtail sniggered and even through his morning grumpiness Moony could appreciate the humorous side of this, though the detention that would surely follow might not be nearly as funny.

"Let's go!" Padfoot said brightly. "There's so much work to be done!" And so the four trekked down to the Slytherin dorms, armed with wands and the password.

"Dragon Knights," Prongs said to the portrait of Salazar, which opened its eyes just long enough to glare at the four of them. Then it swung shut at the four entered. The first thing they noticed was not every sixth year was in their beds. At least three were asleep on the floor by the fire with a fourth person who looked familiar in only one way.

"Bloody hell, Prongs," Padfoot exclaimed. "He looks exactly like you!"

"He does," Moony said, amazed. Wormtail reached out to prod the James look-a-like. Prongs grabbed his hand before he touched the boy.

"What do you think you're doing?" he hissed. "What if he wakes up?" Wormtail flashed an apologetic grin.

"Sorry, mate," Wormtail said. "I just wanted to see if was for real."

"I am," the boy said without opening his eyes. "And if you're who I think you are I'd suggest you get out of the Slytherin common room before I feel the need to alert the whole house that there are four Gryffindors in here about to prank them."

"You wouldn't" Prongs gasped.

"Try my," the boy replied, his lips barely moving.

"Who are you?" Padfoot asked.

"Call me Rath," the boy answered. "I'm the new transfer student who just got sorted into Slytherin. So what are you still doing here? You've got until the count of five to get your sorry asses out of here before all of Slytherin comes down and attacks you. 1." Eyes wide the four made good time to the exit and did just that before Rath had even gotten to three.

"G'job," Severus mumbled. Clearly still half-asleep.

"Wicked!" Leon added really more awake than asleep. Rath sat up and looked at his three companions. Leon got up quickly after seeing his newest friend do so and Severus managed to crack his eyes opened. Lucius made no movement whatsoever.

"He won't get up for a while," Leon informed Rath. "He sleeps heavier than the dead and would probably never wake up 'cept he gets hungry."

"Too true," Severus said, yawning. "What time is it?" Rath looked at his watch that he had never taken off (the one that he had gotten new for his birthday from Remus along with other gifts).

"More or less four-thirty," he said offhandedly. Severus groaned.

"Great," the Slytherin muttered. He forced himself to sit up and stretched a little. "Oh well, I'm not going to be going back to sleep so we might as well get changed." It was then Rath realized something.

"I don't have any other robes or clothes than what I'm wearing," he said, panicking. "And I don't have any school books, or anything except my wand!"

"Stand up," Leon said.

"What?" Rath said. "I just tell you I'm doomed 'cause I've got nothing and you tell me to stand up? How heartless!" He wiped away pretend tears.

"Haha," Leon said. "Now just stand up."

"Fine," Rath said with a shrug. Leon stood up too and looked over Rath.

"You can borrow one of my robes for today, and you'll have to share you books with one of us. What classes are you taking?"

"Um, Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, DADA, Herbology and Astronomy," Rath listed. Severus smiled suddenly.

"Then you won't have a problem, I'm in all your classes," Severus told Rath who suddenly felt very relieved.

"Thanks guys, but I guess I'm going to have to go do some real shopping on the first Hogsmeade weekend," Rath said.

"Yup," Leon and Severus said. "But no worries, it's coming up soon, only two weeks!"

"That's not too bad," Rath said. "I think I'll make it."

"One can hope," Severus said, grinning. "Now lets get dressed already!"

"Now what?" Rath asked as they exited the Slytherin dorm and went out into the castle.

"Well," Leon said. "Technically we're really not supposed to be out right now, but…"

"It's not like that matters to us," Severus finished. "We were thinking of heading off to the kitchens for an early breakfast and filling you in on what you missed yesterday, not much really, since we only had three classes."

"Three?" Harry said, amazed. Severus nodded.

"Yeah, but now all the time in the classes are doubled, so for instance, double potions is now quadrupled potions and everything else is doubled, if not tripled. Thank God we only have two more years of this and then it's out into the world to fend for ourselves."

"Or in your case, it's more like into the dungeons were you spend endless hours perfecting ways to torment students," Rath teased. Severus feigned hurt.

"How dare you accuse me of such, such amusing behavior, I'm insulted!"

"Yeah, that sounds like something Sev here would do, all right," Leon said, smirking. "Ah, here we are." Leon reached out and tickled the pear. It giggled and the painting swung open. The three stepped into the kitchen only to find the Marauders already occupying it.

"First you kick us out of your common room," Padfoot complained. "And now you've come to ruin our breakfast. Don't we get a break today?"

"No," Rath answered. A group of house-elves came over to the three Slytherins as they sat themselves across from the Gryffindors.

"What do the sirs want?" The least house-elf squeaked.

"I'm all for an omelet," Leon said after a moment.

"Some pancakes with syrup and whip-cream would be good," Severus said next.

"I was thinking some scrambled eggs and toast with butter," Rath ended. The house-elves bowed and went to go get the food that then appeared in front of them a minute later. The three dug into their breakfasts while the Marauders watched. Finally Padfoot couldn't hold it in.

"Who exactly are you?" he demanded of Rath.

"I told you," Rath said patiently. "My name is Rath, Rath Granger. I'm the new student who just moved here from America to live with my godfather, Thatz Turner."

"The new DADA teacher?" Moony questioned. Rath nodded.

"The very same. Now if that's all I'd appreciate it if you'd be quite while I eat. Thanks." And he dug in again. The Marauders looked at each other and came to an unspoken agreement. A second later all four left.

"That guys weird," Padfoot said.

"We should have asked him if he was related to Prongs at all," Moony said thoughtfully.

"I think I would know if that guy was my relative!" Prongs exclaimed.

"Maybe he's your long-lost twin," Wormtail suggested. "Then you wouldn't know."

"That's stupid," Prongs said dismissive. But then he thought about it. Maybe, just maybe Moony and Wormtail were onto something. It might be possible that Rath was related to him somehow…

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I'm glad you liked last chapter! Thanks you all for the reviews! (I'm feeling very cheerful today since I got a bunch of books yesterday, well, and a bunch of manga) Hope you enjoy this chapter too, I wasn't sure if it was any good. Anyway, I've shocked myself that I'm updating so soon, but I don't know about where you're living, but here it's really nasty, wet, and humid. So typing seemed like the thing to be doing. Anyway PLEASE REVIEW, the more reviews I get = the faster I update! Remo


	3. Chapter 3: Hello Einah

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CHAPTER 2:

"First class is Potions," Severus told Rath. It was now time for classes to start; the Slytherins has passed the time by thinking up brilliant pranks to inflict upon the Gryffindors. Only Severus and Rath were taking potions, the two Malfoy's complete idiots when it came to the subject. They had decided to take Arithmancy, which Harry had never taken and Severus had absolutely hated. "Aren't you lucky? Professor Raseleane is a real bitch. Absolute witch."

"No, really?" Rath said sarcastically. "I thought a muggle was going to be teaching potions."

"You know what I mean," Severus said, rolling his eyes. "Now come _on._ She's bitter against the world and will take off a million points if we're even a second late."

"So that explains why you're walking so slow," Rath said grinning.

"Yep!" Severus said cheerfully. "You need to make a good impression the first day. I on the other hand am known for being the thorn in Raseleane's side, the pain in her ass, bur in her saddle, nail in her foot, eyelash in her eye…"

"Now you're just making up the phrases," Rath said, snorting. "And doing a spectacularly bad job of it." Severus shrugged.

"Not a problem," he said cheerfully. "Now that you're here you can come up with my brilliant remarks and I'll just copyright them!"

"Thanks," Rath said dryly. But their conversation ended there for a moment as they entered the dungeons. Raseleane stood at the front of the class. She had long, wavy black hair, sharp, alert green eyes and pale skin. Severus and Rath took seats near a cauldron in the back.

"But only this once," Severus told Rath in a fierce whisper. "It's so much harder to get her ticked off from back here." Rath rolled his eyes but silently agreed. It would be funny to watch Severus and the teacher going at it with each other. He looked over to see if he could recognize anyone in the class, but he wasted his time.

"That's Lupin," Severus whispered. "One of the miserable Gryffindors in the class." Sev sniggered. "How sad." Remus was sitting right up front. "There's Frank Longbottom and Alice Fletcher, two other Gryffindors. Over there's Macnair and Avery, it's an on going bet in the dorm to see how much longer it is until they get together. From Ravenclaw you've got Ian Boot and Tracy Macnam, they've been going out since fourth year, and David Chang and Brianna Miller, couple as of beginning of last year, and Richard Goldstein and Hidy West who just got together at the end of last year. Next row up there's Cornelius Fudge, resident Hufflepuff with his two-year girlfriend Betty Springer. Hmm, that's odd."

"What?" Rath asked.

"There's someone missing, Lupin's working by himself currently," Severus replied. At that moment the door opened again and in stormed a red-haired girl who walked over and plopped down next to Remus, giving him a quick hello kiss.

"That's Lily Evans, she's muggle born and been dating Lupin since third year, longest standing couple so far," Severus informed a gaping Rath. At that moment the newest Slytherin felt his heart give out on him completely. Oh good God! That meant, no freakin' way!

"Oh shit," Rath whispered.

"What?" Severus asked, concerned at his friend's antics.

"Um, what do you know about werewolves?" Rath asked, trying to remain calm.

"Enough," Severus said bitterly. Belatedly Rath remembered the prank Sirius had pulled on Severus last year.

"Sorry, but I gotta ask," Rath said hurriedly. "Do werewolves' children inherit their, erm, condition?"

"Hey," Remus said, kissing Lily.

"Hey yourself," she said back, smiling. "Who's that kid back there, he seems a bit freaked out?" Remus turned back and saw Rath staring at them, extraordinarily pale. Severus seemed to be saying something to him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rath suddenly shrieked. Now everybody was looking at him.

"Mr.?" Raseleane asked.

"Granger," he mumbled.

"Mr. Granger, what seems to be the problem?"

"N-nothing," he stammered, blushing.

"Then may I start class?" Raseleane asked sweetly.

"Do you really need my permission?" Rath shot back, the blush fading. Raseleane glared at him.

"Five points from-"

"I'm in Gryffindor," Rath said without blinking.

"Then five points from Gryffindor," Raseleane said. "Now everyone open your books to page twenty and get started on the Shrinking Solution. Now!" she barked out the last order.

"But!" came a strangled cry from Remus.

"Unless you'd like to make the total ten points, I suggest you get started on your potion Mr. Lupin," Raseleane said coldly.

"But he's-"

"Stop," Lily hissed. "It's not worth it." Remus glared at Rath then started on the potion. Severus looked at Rath admiringly.

"You're a god," he said, amazed.

"I know," Rath said, smiling as though at a lowly subject of his kingdom. "Now let's get started."

"Why did you freak out?" Severus asked his partner.

"Because, remember what I said about having to find out who my father was?" Rath asked very, very quietly. Severus nodded

"Well-"

"No," Severus said, stunned.

"I think so. I can understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore," Rath said softly.

"Don't worry, it doesn't come into affect until your seventeen and besides, I'm already friends with a vampire and dating a half-veela, so what should you being a half werewolf matter?" Severus asked, putting a comforting hand on Rath's shoulder.

"Lucius is a veela?" Rath said, amazed.

"Half," Severus corrected. "But yeah. Anyway, let's start working."

"Good idea," Rath said, Raseleane was looking at them in a nasty sort of way.

"He just freaked out?" Prongs said, semi-curious. Maybe the new guy was a complete nut.

"Yeah," Moony said, nodding. "But then he got five points taken off from Gryffindor! It was so frickin' stupid. You would think head of Slytherin would know who was in her house a bit better."

"Well, he did just get here like last night," Wormtail pointed out.

"Still," Moony tried to argue. "He didn't seem so bad this morning, a bit like Sirius really. But in class he was a complete asshole!"

"I can't wait," Padfoot said dreamily. "It will be so wicked awesome!"

"Wait for what exactly?" Prongs questioned.

"He's gonna get caught," Padfoot said sensibly. "I just hope I'm there when he is." The other three snickered, all hoping the same thing.

"New subject," Padfoot announced a moment later. "Let's talk about Moony's love-life. How are things with Lily?" Moony scowled at him but before he could say anything the teacher came in.

"Welcome to DADA, I expect most of your have gotten a pretty good education in this area from your previous teachers while some of you…haven't," said Professor Thatz (who refused to be called by his last name, saying it made him feel old: Remember, he's really Sirius from Harry/Rath's time!) looking at Rath who grinned in reply.

"Anyway, what you'll be doing this year is learning how to duel," Thatz continued. "And how to cope in dangerous situations you may or may not find yourself in later in life." No one but Rath could see the haunted look come into Thatz's eyes as he remembered everything that he had had the misfortune of living through.

"Today, I'm afraid, will be very dull. I need all of you to write out all the jinxes, curses and counter-curses you know, legal or not," he added. "So I can get an idea of what level you're all at and see where I need to start teaching. Everyone take out a piece of parchment and began, you have until the end of the class." Thatz sat down behind his desk and took out his lesson planner for the rest of the year, or at least that's what it looked like. Hidden in it was a copy of Gravitation (it's a manga book, a Japanese comic, though his edition of it has been translated into English.) that he quickly began reading while the students scribbled away.

An hour later class ended and the students got up and handed in their parchment. The Slytherins (well, Severus, Lucius, Leon and Harry) snickered softly as they saw Thatz hurriedly stash Gravitation in his desk as they walked over and handed in their papers.

"Good book?" Rath said quietly, smirking.

"Yeah," Thatz answered very, _very_ quietly. "Ever read it?"

"Nah," Rath said, shaking his head. "I'm more of a Dragon Knights fan myself."

"What about you three?" Thatz asked Severus and the two Malfoys.

"I've read it," Severus said. "Those two refuse to touch it. But we're all with Rath, Dragon Knights is better."

"Get out!" Thatz said a bit over-dramatically. "You ones with no taste! Never darken my doorway again, er, well at least until the next class. See ya at lunch." Rath and the others left and walked to the great hall.

"Seems like a nice bloke," Lucius commented.

"A bit off his rocker," Severus continued.

"Horrid taste in reading," Lykouleon said.

"But all right," the three finished together. Rath laughed at their weird way of finishing each other's sentences.

"You know sometimes I wonder if you all have different brains or really just function off the same one," Rath told them. "Cause you make it so hard to tell."

"We've wondered the same thing," Severus said sadly.

"Unfortunately we can't find out," Lucius said sorrowfully.

"Cause we've realized that if we go to St. Mungo's and ask they'll lock us all up," Leon finished, wiping away an imaginary tear. Rath snorted and they entered the great hall and found seats next to a couple of girls and Nott.

"Rath," Severus said by way of introduction. "This here is one of us magnificent sixth years, Cesia Lestrange and next to her is her fifth year sister Einah Lestrange. On the other side of us is Nott, Cesia's loyal boyfriend. Poor sap."

"So, do any guys in Slytherin have first names or is it just you three?" Rath asked dryly.

"Good point, only thing is I seem to have forgotten their names. Oi, Nott!" Severus said. "What's your name?"

"Tetheus, but if any of you call me it you will be far too dead to say it again," Nott said cheerfully. "Now do I get to sit next to my girlfriend?"

"No," Severus said.

"All right then," Nott said, still cheerful. "Then I guess you'll have to pass our kisses along, Severus."

"On second thought, here, I perfectly fine with moving over," Severus said quickly and pushed Rath over while Nott got up and took his place. (Okay, here's the seating order, on this side of the table: Einah, Cesia, Nott, Severus, Rath and on the other side: Macnair, Avery, Lucius, and Lykouleon).

"So, who's the newest son of a bitch?" Einah asked bitingly as the food appeared. "Which one of you shall he being screwing around with so I can laugh now and make fun of later?"

"Well, we were thinking of putting him with you," Severus said. "But since you apparently think he's too good for you, how do you feel about dating him, Leon?"

"I'm game," Leon said, digging in, not really hearing Severus. Rath choked on his pumpkin juice.

"Your so gay it's scary," Einah told Severus.

"Thank you," he replied, piling food onto his plate in a startling resemblance of Ron who wouldn't be born for at least a good two years. Seeing Rath's stricken expression. "Don't worry, you don't really need to date him. Einah just needs a good lie now and again."

"Why, she seems so _polite_," Rath said sarcastically.

"Bastard," Einah said not even looking up from her plate.

**__**

Bows her head humbly Oh hail the wonderful reviewers, rulers of this land made of pathetic authors like myself and their bad attempts at literary works. So what do you think of Einah? Nice girl, huh? Well, you'll be seeing more of her as she tries to make- oh no, not saying- her own and gets a nasty shock. Evil laughter Anyhow, PLEASE REVIEW!

And yes, my story is a bit strange, isn't it? That's what I'm going for! All hail odd and weird!


	4. Chapter 4: Hearing the Surprise

****

CHAPTER 3:

"That was good," Severus said, licking his fingers as he got up from the table. Rath shook his head, grinning.

"You're pathetic," Leon told him. "I swear, I can't remember a time when you didn't say that after a meal."

"It's still true," Severus replied with a half-shrug.

"Now mates," Lucius said, putting his arm around Severus. "We've got ourselves an entire hour to ourselves. What shall we do?"

"I was rather hoping that I could go talk to Sir- Thatz," Rath said quietly as they walked away from the great hall.

"Well, then I guess we three have an hour to fill," Leon said.

"You don't want to come?" Rath said, startled. Leon looked at him sideways while Severus snorted. Lucius whacked Severus gently on the arm and shook his head slightly.

"I just thought that you'd want to talk to him alone," Leon explained finally. "That's all. I mean you thought he's been dead for three months."

"Yeah, but," Rath wasn't quite sure how to word this. "I want him to know that I trust you three. And, well, I had hoped that maybe if you heard what he had to say you could help me figure some stuff out. I'm not that good at understanding things by myself really."

"Sure," Severus said right after hearing his newest friend out. "But before we head off, I have a question. Who's Professor Turner really? I bet we know him, don't we." A thought struck him. "He's Sirius, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Rath answered, not shocked that Severus had figured it out so quickly. It was kind of obvious if you thought about it. "So are we going or not?"

"Where exactly is he?" Leon questioned.

"Good question," Rath replied. "But I have an idea of where he might be. Follow me."

"Maybe we should all walk together, and really look like it," Lucius suggested. "I mean, if it looks like you're leading us it will seem suspicious. After all, you just got here yesterday so how would you know where anything is?"

"Fine," Rath grumbled. "But we're going outside."

"Kay," the three Slytherins chirped.

"There," Padfoot hissed. "There they go!"

"Chill," Prongs said with a leisurely air. "We can't seem like we're following them."

"Why not?" Padfoot demanded.

"Idiot," Moony mumbled. "Because, if they see us we won't be able to follow them, sneak up on them, and then prank them. Duh." Padfoot stuck his tongue out.

"I knew that," he said in and injured tone.

"No, I don't think you did," Wormtail said in a mock thoughtful tone.

"Rat."

"Mutt."

"Shorty."

"Idiot."

"Beady-eyed little weasel."

"Girly-girl."

"Servant of the dark lord."

"You're so Slytherin."

"Hey," Padfoot protested. "I already used that insult!" They all laughed at that.

"Come on," Moony hissed. "We'll lose track of them. Prongs, do ya have it?"

"Course," Prongs said, smirking. "Never leave the room without it." The four rushed out of the great hall and made sure no one was looking. Then Prongs pulled out his invisibility cloak from within his robe pocket. They hurriedly pulled it over themselves and rushed quietly after the four Slytherins.

"What do you think they're doing?" Padfoot hissed at they neared the door.

"Going outside perhaps?" Wormtail suggested dryly.

"It's gotta be more than that," Padfoot argued quietly. "They're Slytherins!"

"Yes, and everything they do has a hidden, secret, evil meaning," Moony said, rolling his eyes. "So, when they go to the bathroom or eat, what do you get out of that, Padfoot? Perhaps when they take a piss its possibly that they're planning to blow up the school. And when they drink their pumpkin juice they're telepathically communicating to plan the death of Dumbledore."

"And so by that logic when they go outside," Prongs continued. "They must be going to contact You-Know-Who and receive orders to poison your pumpkin juice at dinner, Padfoot."

"You know you might be right," Moony said sarcastically. "That's exactly it!"

"Laugh all you want," Padfoot said sourly. "But you'll see. They'll end up evil, mark my words. Can't be trusted, especially the new boy. I mean, when has Hogwarts ever gotten a transfer student that looks like he could be James's twin who has supposedly lived in America most of his life but just happens to have no accent?"

"Well, if you really want to limit yourself to that exact description," Moony said. "Then this Rath guy is definitely the first. But Hogwarts has had other transfer students you know. A couple of years ago we got a fifth year girl who sorted into Ravenclaw."

"There!" Prongs suddenly hissed. "They've stopped."

"Isn't that the new DADA teacher?" Wormtail said puzzled. "Professor Thatz, right?"

"Yeah," Moony said, nodding slightly.

"We have to hear what they're saying!" Padfoot said urgently. "Come on!" But they were certainty shocked when they did.

"Har- Rath!" Thatz said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to chat," Rath said amiably.

"With, um," he seemed clearly uncomfortable with the three Slytherins presence.

"Thatz," Rath said sternly. "They're my friends. You wouldn't complain if it was Ron and Hermione."

"Point taken," Thatz said with a sigh. Then he smiled. "So, you just wanted to chat? Or wanted to find out what I've been doing in this time before the term started."

"Both," Rath said, sitting down next to Thatz. The other three remained standing. He glared at them. "Sit!" Meekly, they complied.

"You're kind of scary sometimes, you know that," Severus complained.

"It's one of my charms," Rath said dryly.

"Then I'd hate to find out what your faults are," Severus muttered. Rath chuckled while Thatz nearly had a heart attack.

"Is, is he actually joking around? God, hell has frozen over, hasn't it?" Sirius said, looking up into the sky.

"Obviously, since Harry Potter, son of Lily and James Potter is in fact not son of James Potter at all," Rath said, sighing. "Quite possibly, in fact, son of Lily and Remus Lupin. Everyone is going to have die of shock when we get back and they find out. Actually, that wouldn't be too bad, 'specially if Fudge and Umbridge are the first two to be done in."

"Here, here!" Thatz said cheerfully. Then he looked puzzled. "But Remus, are you sure?"

"Well, they are dating now, and Sev said that they've been going out since third year. That's three years, my God! I haven't even had a girlfriend for a week, much less that long!" Rath said, half trying to make his point and half-whining.

"Well, if it makes you feel better I'm never going to have a girlfriend," Severus said brightly. Rath hit him, scowling.

"Not for the same reason, I've been quite assured," Rath said darkly. Thatz made a noise of victory.

"I knew it!" he exclaimed. "Hah! I can't wait to get back now!"

"Why?" Rath asked.

"Because Remus owes me twenty galleons," Thatz said proudly.

"What were you betting on, pray tell?" Rath asked innocently.

"Whether Snape and Malfoy were really together or not," Thatz answered simply. Rath rolled his eyes.

"You really did have too much time locked up in that house, didn't you?" he said to his godfather exasperatedly. "A question to whether they're still together, however. Actually more like a statement. What about Draco?" Thatz hesitated before getting a look of defeat.

"Damn," he said. "On second thought, let's never go back. Rem will never let me forget that he won."

"Who's Draco?" Severus asked interestedly.

"Lucius and Narcissa's son," Rath and Thatz answered together. Severus looked horrified while Lucius merely looked confused.

"Who's Narcissa?" he asked.

****

Thanks for the reviews (though currently I have received none for the previous chapter, ah well). Anyway, the conversation shall be continued, never fear. But what someone in the story should be fearing next chapter is Einah. Oh yes, he should be terrified evil laughter . Anyhow, what'd you think? Still kinda funny in a twisted, not that funny sorta way? PLEASE REVIEW!

Note: There are two possible things that I could do with this story and so now you wonderful people get to vote.

Do you want me to:

A: Not let Wormtail become a traitor, James not dead, and someone else who no one expects really be the traitor, using a very, very good glamour to look like Wormtail and both he and James hidden away somewhere in magical comas?

Or

B: Go with J.K. Rowling's sad and destructive path with Wormtail being the betrayer and both the Potters dead?


	5. Chapter 5: Intellectual Chat

_Disclaimer: (the funeral march begins) I am not J.K. Rowling. We all wish her well and DEMAND THAT SHE BLOODY WELL UNDO WHAT SHE DID TO SEVERUS! Oh yeah, and BRING BACK SIRUS and Dumbledore I suppose. But seriously, you've all read the sixth book by now. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING! And yes, certain bits of sixth book are going to be ignored. The general plot line for example. In fact, a great deal of things in Harry Potter are being ingnored in this story. So I suppose since we all know its AU it doesn't matter, does it. So no spoilers for book 6 in the chapter except the disclaimer. If you haven't read it yet and don't know that Severus kills Dumbledore in the end, I'm not apologizing for telling you. What are you doing reading fanfiction when you should be reading the book! After you read this chapter- finish it! Its so horrible! Oh right, this is just a disclaimer, isn't it. Well, hey, I don't own Harry Potter. Any of it. I don't own the names of like all the OC, those belong to Dragon Knights' author, and any other manga references I make in the next chapter. Like I didn't own Gravitation. Not mine. Maki Murakami's- she's so BRILLIANT. AND I'VE NOW READ THE ENTIRE SERIES! -clear throat- anyway, you get the point._

**CHAPTER 4:**

"Hang on a sec, did you just say who's Narcissa?" Rath's eyes went comically wide. Think anime character almost comatose shock eyes. Yeah, that big. "Bellatrix she's-a-bitch Black's sister?"

"Bellatrix?" This is time was Severus asking. "And that is?" Thatz and Rath exchanged worried glances.

"What the hell is going on?" Rath exclaimed. "Did we screw something up? Did we alter the timeline or something? Is there a cosmic rip in the universe and people are going to be sucked up through them until no one exists anymore?" Thatz looked horrified.

"Oh my God," he half-yelled in a strangled sort of voice. The two were on the verge of running around in circles, waving their arms wildly as they both suffered massive panic attacks- until, that is, they heard snickers. Then the snickers turned into giggles, until the giggles became full-blown laughs and Severus, Lucius, and Leon were literally rolling around on the ground, pointing at Thatz and Rath and laughing harder still.

"What is so damn funny?" Rath demanded in a chilly, terrifying voice.

"You-you're so, so gullible," Leon managed to choke out.

"Gullible?" A vein began pulsing at Rath's temple. The three caught a look at Rath's face and sobered up with an amazing speed.

"Now there's no need to get upset," Leon said in what he hoped was a soothing sort of voice.

"But we just thought it would be a bit of a laugh," Severus continued looking slightly uncomfortable.

"To mess with you a little," Lucius finished, managing to use the magical Malfoy gene to remain cool, even though he could have sworn he saw Rath reaching for a knife stuffed down the back of his pants.

"Mess with me?" It seemed, now, that Rath was incapable of doing anything more than repeating what he had just heard.

"Is that smoke?" Leon whispered, pointing to Rath's ear.

"I think so," Severus replied grimly.

"Perhaps we should run?" Lucius suggested smoothly.

"And cue exit," Severus said as the three attempted to dash away. But oddly enough there was something in their way.

"What the hell is this?" Severus fumed.

"Well that's a leg," Leon said, pointing.

"Ah," Lucius said. "I see." He reached down and pulled up. Suddenly there were four bodies on the ground underneath them and an invisibility cloak in his hand.

"Shit," Rath breathed.

"You forgive us, then?" Leon said hopefully.

"No," Rath snapped. "But that is not the point. We have a bigger problem here, gentlemen. You see the four unconscious Gryffindor there?"

"See, feel, and," Severus wrinkled his nose. "Smell."

"I vote we get up," Leon said, wincing as he tried to shift off James's kneecap without planting his foot in Remus's face.

"I second that motion," Lucius said, jumping up enthusiastically. He reached down and grabbed Severus's hand, helping him up.

"I knew there was a reason I wanted a boyfriend," Leon muttered to himself as he got up carefully.

"Excessive laziness?" Lucius drawled.

"Exactly."

"Now what do we do with them?" Severus asked, eyeing the marauders.

"How much do you think they heard?" Rath asked Thatz worriedly.

"Knowing us, everything. Hence the unconsciousness. More shock I think then impact with those three."

"Well, wouldn't you think you'd remember something like that? I don't care if you don't remember much about this year," Rath said accusingly.

"Sorry, it's a total blank." Rath sighed.

"Oh well, I suppose we can't leave them out here no matter how much they heard."

"Why not?" Leon demanded.

"What kind of Slytherin are you?" Severus said in shock.

"Especially since it's not any ordinary group of pricks, it's the lowest of the low, the slimiest of the slime, the most thick-headed, arrogant, simply intollerable group of Gryffindors ever to live," Lucius added with an added smirk at the end, directed toward Thatz.

"Hey," Thatz protested, looking quite ready to punch Lucius, student or no.

"Oh break it up," Rath said, rolling his eyes. "What are you, a couple of first years? This is no time for stupid house arguments. We have to get them to your quarters. When they come around we'll question them."

"Does that involve torture?" Severus asked in a voice that was a little too interested. "Dark arts?"

"No!" Rath said forcibly, glaring. "Now help me pick them up, I can't carry them all."

"Oh sure," Leon said, sulking. "Pick up Remus. Everyone knows these three weigh four times as much as he does. You wuss."

"Well if you're so strong, you get Sirius."

"Are you calling me fat!"

""No, heavy."

"What's the difference?"

"You are a girl, aren't you."

"What is that supposed to me?" Thatz said huffily.

"He's too ugly to be a girl," Lucius said, swinging the Sirius (teenage) over his shoulder with apparent ease. The look Thatz shot him was pure evil. Lucius was not fazed at all.

"Focus, please," Rath said, turning his glare onto Thatz. "You quarters. Now."

"Right. Follow me."

_If you got past the disclaimer, I applaud you, really. I'm only half insane. And sorry that I didn't update for almost a year. But the reviews I kept getting really inspired me. So here's a chapter that might be a little to sarcastic and ridiculous in points, and not really driving the plot line along, but hey, something important happened, what with them running into the Marauders, so it's not all bad. And I hoped you all laughed at least a little. It was supposed to be funny, you know. Anyway, thank you all for waiting so long for a new chapter. May Slytherin bless all of you who read this chapter, and may you find a big stash of money somewhere if you PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! And no, that last bit was not a joke. Seriously, review. Right now. Stop reading my gibberish and review. And once you've done that, read the sixth book so it gets burned into every fiber of you being (you are truly a man slayer. Oh I need help) anyway. Read Harry Potter and review. But review first. Remo_


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